While I might appear to always be confident (Ha!) , be in control (HaHa!) or have it all together (HaHaHa!) I have to confess that 99.9% of the time I am not. I still get scared before big presentations, nervous about attending parties with new people, anxious about tough conversations I have to have and sometimes wish I could throw large objects into windows when frustrated.
What I have learned over the years of my career and personal life is that sometimes the old adage of faking it ’til you make it is not only true but necessary; My life is all about the perception of perfection. While anyone who knows me on an intimate level will know that the cupcakes for the playdate I just “whipped up” were from a box, the cool new “slicked back” hairdo I’m sporting is because I was in a rush and didn’t blowdry my hair or that my Thank You cards were purchased in bulk and stored in ready to go pre-stamped and self-addressed envelopes. My colleagues know I’ve been known to walk away after volatile meetings but not that I’ve headed to my car to cool off- or cry. They know I deliver large presentations and host networking sessions confidently – without knowing that I’ve had to talk myself up in a bathroom stall.
Now, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Sometimes it’s hard to keep it all together. Sometimes it’s hard to look like you’re confident and not afraid. Sometimes, my friends, you just need to reach deep inside and find something that gives you that inner strength when you’re about to cry/puke/faint. For me, there are two things that work:
- I remind myself why I am in this situation to start with. I was very young when I started in my career and dealt with very senior, wealthy individuals who were confident that my age procluded me from being good at my job. I reminded myself that a) my boss had hired me knowing I could do the job, b) I was smart, educated and able to do the job and c) I am AWESOME.
- I have a pump up song. A song that I play in my head, know all the words to and sing when I start to feel even remotely not like the refined self I need to be. I encourage you to find a song that inspires you, pumps you up (no ballads!) and makes you feel like you could do anything.
Today, I’m going to share with you my personal theme song. Yes, you’ll recognize it from being at the end of my very favorite show of all time, but it also speaks to the power of loving yourself, believing in yourself and trusting in who you are. And that, my friends, is showcasing your RefinedSide.